


A Sentoukis Secret

by Shuichi77



Category: Loveless
Genre: Dark Past, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Abuse, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 12:29:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17725226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shuichi77/pseuds/Shuichi77
Summary: The final battle with Septimal Moon was finally over, and all that's left is to pick up the pieces. In the rubble however, Ritsuka finds himself picking up more pieces of the past than he ever thought possible.





	A Sentoukis Secret

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [phoenixreal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixreal/pseuds/phoenixreal) in the [FWU_2019_Feb_Valentines](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/FWU_2019_Feb_Valentines) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Someone has a secret and it comes out to the one they love the most.

At the first break of dawn following a final bloody battle at the Seven Moons Academy, a small team began to pick through the rubble in search of survivors. Ritsuka Aoyagi led a second team in on-going effort to uncover the facts of what happened during the battle. Ritsuka began the second day of his work, in the most northern building of the complex that originally housed roughly one dozen student dorm rooms as well as Minami Ritsu's private living dorm. After some time of digging through the buildings remains, Ritsuka set eyes on something shimmering in the sunlight. He stepped over a pile of fallen bricks to see that it was clasp of a small journal buried beneath some bits of charred wood from what he assumed was a desk of some sort. He carefully dug out the small book before brushing away the dust and dirt to see, much to his surprise, that written on it was only a name: Agatsuma Soubi. Ritsuka's curiosity quickly got the better of him and he unclicked the clasp with slightly shaky hands, and turned the cover.

June 3rd, 2000

We just returned from the funeral…I stood at mother and father's graves for what felt like hours. I thought the pain would last forever but my tears stopped after some time. I just stood there…wishing mother would just come home, until the sun started to set and I began to wonder if I could even go home. I thought about it for a while, but before I decided for sure, someone placed a hand on my shoulder. It was mother's Sacrifice, Mr. Ritsu. He told me that I would be coming to stay with him for a while at the school. I've only met him a few times but he has always been nice to me and always protected mother so well…I don't see any harm in staying with him; it's not like I have any other place to go. I've only just settled into my room now. It's right next door to his and its really nice and big, bigger than my room at home; I don't think it will be that bad here. But I still wonder…what will happen now?

June 12th, 2000

I started school here today. Ritsu says it's for the best that I get my education here, so I can learn to be a great Sentouki just like my mother. I'm enjoying my classes so far, they are much more interesting than the classes at my regular school. I'm having some trouble staying awake though…I haven't been sleeping very well since the funeral. I keep having awful nightmares about that night; they wake me up all night in a cold sweat. I still feel like I could have done something to save them…but Ritsu keeps telling me that there was nothing I could have done. Ritsu Sensei has turned out to be a very nice person. He has been taking really good care of me since I've been here. He orders me whichever foods I want instead of the food made here and has taken me shopping three times already. I'm starting to see why mother always said he was such a good partner.

July 1st, 2000

The nightmares have finally started to go away…but now I'm having a different kind of nightmare. I've been trying to be more social and make friends here but…no one seems to like me. I have nothing in common with the people here. I've never been interested in idols, pop culture or fashion so I can't relate with any of them. I spend most of my time now studying or doing things with Ritsu Sensei. He says that I don't need friends like that and if I study hard and become the best Sentouki then I will be better than all of them. I've been meaning to ask Sensei a question though…all the other students keep calling me 'blank'. I'm not sure what it means exactly but they make it sound like it's not very good…

July 2nd, 2000

Tonight I asked Sensei why the other students call me blank. He explained to me about true names and how they bind one person to another by fate as a battle pair. Then he said that sometimes, not very often, a person is born without a true name or a true partner and they call them a 'blank'. It sounded really bad at first and I was really upset but Sensei told me that it isn't a bad thing. He said that it just means that I can focus on getting stronger and then I can get paired with a Sacrifice of my own. He told me, 'you aren't bound by a name or fate…you have the freedom of choice'. So I think being blank isn't so bad after all.

July 31st, 2000

We had final exams today and I passed all of them and am now the top of my class. Sensei said he is so proud of me and that tomorrow he will take me into the city to go shopping for the start of summer. I know mother would be proud to see that I'm doing so well. Sensei said my advanced training starts as soon as summer is over though…he hasn't told me exactly what that means yet, but I really think I can do it. I know I can.

September 17th, 2000

I had a really nice summer vacation. I spent a lot of time at the beach and in the city with Sensei. I also got a lot of studying done and I think I'm ready for my advanced training tomorrow.

October 1st, 2000

I'm so exhausted all the time…this advanced training is really taking it out of me. I thought it would be a whole class but it's only one on one sessions with Ritsu Sensei. I think I actually like not being in the classroom but the training itself is really hard and I wasn't prepared at all. I thought studying all the books was the best idea but Sensei isn't training me on any of them. He is teaching me things like how to be a good Sentouki for my master, how to follow orders and how to conquer fear and pain. It's probably all much more practical…but I still wish there was a textbook.

October 23rd, 2000

My advanced lessons aren't going well…I miss mother.

December 24th, 2000

My first Christmas without them has been hard. It won't be the same without waking up to mom's breakfast and father's horribly wrapped presents. At least I have Ritsu Sensei… and the winter break has been nice without any classes or private lessons. I know I have to get better so that Sensei will be proud.

February 15th, 2001

Valentine's Day really is a pointless holiday. Everyone spent the entire day swooning over their partners and exchanging chocolates. I decided to study instead; I'm still having some trouble getting past my pain and Sensei's lessons have only gotten harder…

May 12th, 2001

I cried during a lesson for the first time today. I wasn't able to fight back the pain when he used my parents death to get me unfocused but Sensei said the only way to get over pain is to face it head on and rise above it. I think he will be harder on me now.

September 29th, 2001

Today is my birthday; I'm fourteen now. It doesn't really seem like it though…there wasn't a party or presents; only books and training. Sensei doesn't really seem to care much about birthdays in general and I think he didn't even know it was my birthday until I said something. The weird part was that he didn't even say happy birthday to me, he just looked at me with a smile and told me that I look more and more like my mother every day. That made me really happy to hear and to see Sensei smile that way.

November 14, 2001

Today was the last day of classes before the holiday break and I passed all my normal class exams but…Sensei hit me during my lesson today…well he didn't hit me exactly, he used a whip. It scared me at first and I had to try so hard not cry but Sensei says that it's time I get serious about training. He said now that I'm getting older he doesn't have to go easy on me and I need to get used to real pain. After the initial confusion, it seemed to make sense. I know Sensei would never really hurt me and he wouldn't do anything that wasn't good for me and my training. Still…I wonder if I'll be able to really conquer the pain.

January 5th, 2002

The new semester started today and our first lesson was about the bond between Sacrifice and Sentouki. It didn't bother me too much at first but after my first class, we did a school wide exercise. The instructions came over the loud speaker and all the Sacrifices were instructed to hide somewhere far from their partner, then then the Sentouki had to find them in complete darkness. I asked one of my classmates how they planned on finding their partner and he told me about the thin spiritual thread that connects a Sentouki and Sacrifice. He told me that they can focus in on it and follow to their partner, that way a Sentouki can always find their partner. When the lights went off I foolishly tried to participate but of course, there was no such thread for me so I was told that I could return to my room. I felt like such an idiot for even thinking that I could have such a thing.

June 26th, 2002

My classes are finally starting to be a challenge for me and I've spent any and all of my free time studying and training. I'm really enjoying the challenge; I was really starting to get bored with my regular lessons. My private lessons with Sensei have been going better now too. I'm able now to push the pain aside and focus of my goal; I refuse to lose sight of my dreams now that I've come this far. I won't stop until I'm the strongest Sentouki alive and have a partner of my own. Although, I think Sensei is starting to give me scars…hopefully they will heal.

September 1st, 2002

This summer was awful. Sensei has been very busy lately and won't tell me exactly why; he just keeps telling me that he has been having problems with one of the professors here, Nagisa. I'm not sure what she could be doing that causes him so much trouble but I tried not to bother him about it too much. Since I had more free time this summer, I tried again to make some friends here but it didn't work out. I still just can't get along with the people here; they all care too much about playing and slacking off instead of their school work. They all think I'm odd since I don't care for same things as they do and this summer I learned that they only want to hang out with other battle pairs, not a blank like me…and I'm the only one. So I decided to take up painting. I spent most of the summer going into the city to get supplies and just painting in my room. I'm not very good but I really like it and it helps me to relax and work on my focus. I wonder what Sensei will think.

December 21st, 2002 (2:00 am)

I just woke up in cold sweat after a dream that I can't seem to remember but I've just noticed the strangest thing and…I just don't know what to do or think. It was pitch black in my room and I saw a strange flicker of light by my windowsill. I got up to look but didn't see anything but then I saw it again on my sleep shirt. I moved to the side thinking it was the moon light reflecting off one of my buttons but it didn't move. I was very confused and tried to focus on it in the darkness and then I saw it, dimly at first but hen very clear. It was a thread…my thread! I still don't know what it means but I can't wait to tell Sensei.

December 22nd, 2002

Yesterday I told Sensei about seeing my thread…he wasn't happy. He told me that I was just seeing things but I insisted that I wasn't. He said that I was a blank and that I had to accept that. That was the first time that I ever saw him genuinely angry at me and I don't understand why. He made me stay all night for my lesson and made me train all night. He was very hard on me…I know this time I'll have scars. Despite the pain, deeper cuts and disappointment I was still able to rise above my pain and focus on the orders given and executing them perfectly. I still think that I saw my thread…but maybe he is right.

July 12th, 2003

It's already been a long year. My classes haven't harder, but I've still been able to stay at the top of my class. There is better news though: Sensei just told me that he has found the perfect Sacrifice for me and I am going to meet him in a few days. I'm nervous…but excited.

July 15th, 2003

I met my Sacrifice today. His name is Aoyagi Seimei. He is about the same age as I am, shorter than me but he seems so much older. He had an air about me that I'm not sure what to make of; it was like a pressure when he entered the room. His smile though…it was almost hypnotizing. I was so excited for this day for so long but it turned out to be somewhat disappointing. Despite what Sensei says, I can still see the thread that connects me to my partner, so I focused on it today when I was waiting for Seimei to arrive. I was just waiting for the wave of relief that I would feel when I saw him and the connection that linked us…but when he walked in, I could see the thin filament go right past him and down the hallway. The disappointment was hard but the strangest part was that I could see a similar thread attached to Seimei that didn't lead to me either. I'm not sure what any of this means but I know that now I have to focus on being a good partner. Luckily Sensei says that I won't be given to Seimei for a couple more years. I still have more training to do and Sensei wants me to graduate before I can become Seimei's.

October 10th, 2003

I've been focusing on my painting a lot lately and I think I'm getting pretty good. Sensei wishes that I wouldn't paint as much but he hasn't really told me not to, so I'll continue until he tells me to stop. He has been acting strange lately…he wants to spend more free time with me and has recently starting talking about mother a lot. I think maybe he misses her, I know that I do. I think that also might explain why he always tells me how much I look like her. I don't mind it really and it's nice to get out of my room anyway. I just find it strange how he can be this way with me when class is over but be so harsh, and sometimes cruel, to me during our lessons.

December 30th, 2003

It's…so hard to write right now…but something happened tonight. I had my private lessons with Sensei today…but he mostly just wanted to talk about how I was feeling. I had no reason not to tell him that I was having some trouble with pain management if my emotions are running high. I told him that it's hard and sometimes impossible not to feel the pain while I'm scared or upset. He didn't seem angry or upset at me but he told me that I would never be able to be Seimei's Sentouki if I couldn't control my emotions and let them get in my way. He said that I needed to able to forget my emotions and only feel Seimei's words and live by them. I told him that I didn't know how and he said that…that it was because I was still a child. I didn't understand at first but he made it very clear. Then Sensei….no…Ritsu, Ritsu took my ears from me. I didn't cry, not once, and for the first time my emotions didn't allow me to feel the pain. I felt nothing…I feel nothing. It's just emptiness now. I have nothing left except my strength. I will focus on it…I will get stronger and I will be the best…and I will get out of this place. That is my only goal.

June 6th, 2005

I found this journal while packing today. I don't remember if I lost it or chose not to write any longer but I suppose it doesn't matter. Either way, I'm one step closer to my goals today. I graduated top of my class and am packing to leave. Since my last entry Ritsu has only gotten more cold and cruel than ever. My training continued with him until my last day of lessons and I've tried to keep our interactions to a minimum. I've grown to hate this place and its people. Seimei will be here soon to take me far from here…I'll make sure to never come back. Seimei is my world now and I know he will make me into a great Sentouki. Still Ritsu insists on keeping my room here available in case I ever need it. He also informed me today that he will be keeping in touch. I'll try to ignore him as best I can. I think I will leave this journal behind though. I'd rather avoid Seimei coming across it…and I'd like not to relieve these memories.

January 1st, 2008

I've come across this journal once again upon returning to the academy, very much to my distain. Ritsu has given me some sort of mission he would Seimei and I to carry out in the morning. Seimei won't give me any details, but it doesn't matter. I'll follow his orders until my last breath.

June 4th, 2008

I find myself back at the academy once more for yet another mission, but I'd prefer not to think too much about it. These missions are becoming rather untasteful. Luckily I've started art college now and it seems to be my only escape. It seems that I've traded one sadist for another however. Seimei is a great and very effective Sacrifice but his complete lack of empathy and cruel nature are not like anything I've encountered before. What's worse is his charisma and perfect ability to manipulate those around him. It makes him dangerous…but still his word is law and I will continue to follow his command without question. It still amazes me at times however, just how well his true self betrays his name…Beloved, one who is loved. A name that I bear in scars of both the flesh and spirit…given to me by my master.

March 10th, 2010

Ritsu has called me here to discuss recent events. Seimei died today. I can't explain what I'm feeling. I'm not relieved nor am I sad. Despite belonging to him for all these years, I don't feel as though anything has been taken from my life. I can't say that I'm entirely surprised by his death though. For a while now he has been rather distant and has been keeping me in the dark as to what he has been doing. He has never exactly shared information with me about his daily life but it felt different somehow. I can only guess now that he was doing something that got him killed. I do believe that he knew it was coming though. Only a couple of months ago he gave me a strange set of instructions. He told me that if anything ever happened to him that I was ordered to carry on and to locate his younger brother, Ritsuka. He ordered me to fight for him and become his. It seemed very out of character for him and it was the first time I had ever heard anything about his family, I wasn't even aware that he had a brother. I'm not sure what he intended to accomplish by this but I don't think it's good…and I am not sure if I am quite ready for another Aoyagi master. Seeing as Seimei never specified a timeline, I think I will try to focus on school and my painting for a while.

November 23rd, 2011

My classmate and roommate Kio has mentioned to me that I have been acting strange lately. He says that I seem lost in my own thoughts all the time and have been distant. I'm sure he is over reacting but still…yesterday I did notice something odd while I was working on a painting. For the first time since I was young, I saw my thread. I wasn't sure whether or not to even pay it any mind. I'm sure it's just my own mind toying with me. I made the mistake though of coming back to this forsaken place to confront Ritsu about the subject once more. He only reminded me that my Sacrifice is dead and I never had a true partner to begin with. Pointless.

January 4th, 2013

I've begun to notice my thread more and more these days. It's getting harder to ignore but my better judgment keeps from investigating. I'm also becoming very bored with the life of a college student. It's led to me to think seriously about locating Aoyagi Ritsuka. I've been using some of the resources here at the academy to begin some preliminary research on him. Maybe it's time for a change.

October 20th, 2013

Some weeks ago I was easily able to locate Ritsuka. It turns out he is still just a grade school student in a school not far from my own. I have yet to approach him or attempt to contact him. I don't understand why Seimei wants me to belong to a child but I can't seem to shake a strange feeling I get when I think about it. Maybe I will contact him soon, before my life gets any more mundane. Even if he turns out to be just another Seimei, it will at least make things interesting. On a brighter note, Ritsu has apparently taken a short leave from the academy. I'm not sure why and I don't actually care but visiting is much easier with him gone.

March 12, 2014

This will be my last time visiting this room for any reason. I've returned to collect the last of my things. I finally decided to meet Ritsuka today. He was nothing like what I was expecting. He is a sweet kid with a good heart. He holds a lot of love for Seimei and I don't think I will ever have the heart to tell him about how his brother truly was. His face lights up at the mention of his name and I refuse to take that away from him. We went to a park to make memories and unfortunately our time was ruined by a pesky pair of brats from Ritsu. I hated to put Ritsuka in that situation but I had no choice. He handled it better than expected, despite being confused and scared. I admittedly was a little nervous myself; not because of the battle but strangely for how Ritsuka would think of me. When I saw his face for the first time I felt something I hadn't felt before…it was love. From the moment I set eyes on him I knew I loved him. There is something about the way he looks at me…with confusion, fear, understanding and anxiety. It's unlike anything I've ever known. I must confess however, at least to these pages to never be seen, I let my emotions get the better of me for the first time since I was a child. I kissed him. I didn't understand it fully myself until I sensed the nearby Sentouki. When I did, I looked back at the boy that I had just met and I saw that fine shinning thread that bonds all Sentouki to their partners. I wasn't sure if it was mine or his, they were tangled together like old forgotten yarn, and then I realized that mine and his were one in the same. It began at my chest and ended at his. I then made a startling connection as I thought back to the very first night that I awoke from my sleep to see it for the first time. I made the connection that that day was twelve years ago now…on the day that Ritsuka was born. I know now that this boy has been my destiny from the day he entered this world. From the very beginning it was always him. The funniest part is that he betrays him name just as much as Seimei did. He is called Loveless, one without love…but already, I love him with my whole heart and soul. He will never be loveless.

The last few pages of the scorched book were blank, and so Ritsuka gently closed it as a few small tears ran down his reddened cheeks. Without a second thought he dropped it to the ground and began to run as fast as he could back to the main gate of the facility. He came up over a small hill where he set eyes on the tall blonde directing a group of workers. Ritsuka quickly pushed past them all before tightly wrapping his arms around Soubi's small waist. The blonde immediately stopped what he was doing to take Ritsuka small face delicately in a large hand and lift it up to look him in the eyes.

"Ritsuka, What's the matter? Is everything ok?" Ritsuka wiped the tears from his eyes before standing on the very tips of his toes and moving to wrap his arms around the blonde's neck and kissing him with a heated passion, not caring about the people standing all around.

"Everything is fine Soubi…I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I love you so much." The blonde gave a large warm smile at this before kissing the boy gently as he scooped him off his feet and into his arms.

"And I love you, Ritsuka."


End file.
